Written by Freya Lawlor

Person-Centred Counsellor 16+

Bristol Counselling and Psychotherapy

It’s 11pm, the lights are off, the house is finally quiet…and your brain picks that exact moment to remind you about the email you haven’t answered, the meeting tomorrow, and the thing you said three years ago that you still wince at. 

As a therapist, I often hear versions of this from clients. They explain how busy their brains feel, with all of their thoughts, worries and obligations circling around their head. Research suggests that writing can support emotional wellbeing. It isn’t a magic formula, and it’s no replacement for therapy, but it gives some of those thoughts looping around your mind somewhere else to go for a while.

The trouble is that journaling has become a bit intimidating. Scroll through Instagram and you’ll find beautifully curated bullet journals and gratitude journals that look like they belong in a gallery. There’s a pressure to be profound and write a perfect page. Add the common struggle for spare time, and it’s easy to decide the whole thing isn’t worth the effort.

So, how can we incorporate writing into our daily lives in a healthier way? Below are some exercises I recommend to clients who are intrigued by the idea of journaling but daunted by what it entails. The best thing about these is that you don’t need much: just a pen, some paper and ten minutes.

The brain dump

Best for: general mental clutter
Time: 5–10 minutes

If you’re just starting off with journaling, you may be tempted to buy a beautiful notebook. And, if you’re anything like me, you then might spend an hour staring at it, not wanting to ‘ruin’ said notebook. So it stays on the shelf, untouched, waiting for your handwriting to improve. 

Don’t fall into this trap. You don’t need to be a writer, own a lovely notebook or have anything profound to say. You just need somewhere for everything to go.

Grab a piece of scrap paper, set a timer for five or ten minutes, and write continuously. Whatever comes into your head goes onto the page. You might write about your day, something that’s irritating you, what you’re looking forward to, or absolutely nothing interesting.

If you don’t know what to write, write “I don’t know what to write…” and keep going until something surfaces.

Why it helps: It can reduce the number of things you’re trying to hold in your head at once. It also gives you permission to let your thoughts run wild, make room for the mundane, and prioritise process over perfection.

Throw the page away afterwards if you like.

The worry chair

Best for: bedtime rumination
Time: 10 minutes, at least half an hour before bed

Choose a chair (not your bed) and sit in it with a notebook or piece of paper. Bullet-point everything you’re worried about. Don’t try to organise it or solve it; just get it out.

You might write: I need to reply to that email. I’m worried about tomorrow’s meeting.
I’m annoyed about what happened today.

Now go back through the list. For anything you can act on but can’t deal with tonight, write one small next step for tomorrow.

“Reply to email” becomes “draft a response tomorrow morning.”

“Book dentist” becomes “call at 9am.”

For the worries you can’t do anything about, you don’t have to pretend they don’t matter. They’re real, and they can still feel heavy. Simply write “not mine to solve tonight” beside them.

Why it helps: The aim isn’t to convince yourself that everything is fine. It’s to give your brain a boundary, and scratch the itch that there’s something you need to complete before you get to rest. 

You’ve had your worry time, and you’ve got a plan. You can handle the rest tomorrow.

Write a letter you don’t send

Best for: anger, grief or things left unsaid
Time: 10–15 minutes

There are things we’d like to say but can’t, or don’t want to, say out loud. Someone hurt you. You’re angry. You miss someone. You wish something had happened differently. You never got to say goodbye.

Write the letter. Say everything. You don’t have to be reasonable, you don’t have to make the other person look good, and you don’t have to find the perfect ending.

Then don’t send it. Shred it, tear it up or put it somewhere private. If you’d rather keep it, that’s fine too. This is written for you, not for anyone else.

Why it helps: The point isn’t communication. It’s giving yourself somewhere to express what you haven’t been able to say.

Sometimes, once the words are on paper, you understand your feelings a little differently.

A note: if the loss is recent or the feelings are overwhelming, consider doing this with the support of a therapist or someone you trust. Writing about painful experiences isn’t helpful for everyone, particularly when you’re already feeling overwhelmed.

Write as you would to a friend

Best for: self-criticism
Time: 10 minutes

Start by writing down something you’re struggling with. Then read it back and imagine the person you love most in the world has written it to you. Now respond from that perspective.

Imagine someone you care about saying:

“I’ve made a mess of this. I should have known better. Everyone else seems to be coping and I’m not.”

You probably wouldn’t tell them they’re useless. Instead, you might write something like:

“You haven’t made a mess of everything. You’re having a hard time, and it’s showing up in this one thing. Nobody has it all together, even when it looks that way. You don’t have to fix it all today.”

Now read that back as if it were addressed to you.

Why it helps: We’re often far more compassionate towards other people than towards ourselves.

Self-compassion is about responding to our own difficulties with the same kindness and understanding we might offer someone else. You don’t have to believe every reassuring thing you write. Just practise speaking to yourself as someone worth looking after.

What if writing makes you feel worse?

Pay attention to how writing affects you. For some people, writing about difficult experiences is useful. For others, going over painful material can leave them more distressed, particularly if they’re already overwhelmed. If an exercise leaves you significantly more upset, stuck in rumination or unable to settle, stop.

Switch to something grounding: write about something neutral, go for a walk, talk to someone. You don’t have to push through. Writing isn’t a substitute for treatment. If you’re dealing with trauma, significant depression, anxiety or another mental health difficulty, use it alongside professional support rather than instead of it.

Permission to write badly

Writing for your wellbeing doesn’t have to mean a leather-bound notebook and three pages about your feelings every night. It can be five minutes in the morning, a list on your phone, a voice note you later delete, a page of worries before bed, or a letter you never send.

The goal isn’t to write beautifully. In fact, I invite you to write badly. Misspell things. Ignore the grammar. Create an ugly page. It doesn’t have to be a profound experience, and you don’t need to uncover a buried memory or have an epiphany about your childhood. There’s no performance involved: you’re not writing for an audience, you’re writing for yourself. 

What you’re really doing is creating a little space between having a thought and being completely caught up in it. Putting something into words doesn’t always solve the problem, but it can create enough distance to help you notice what you’re thinking and decide what, if anything, you want to do next.

So try one tonight. Ten minutes, a scrap piece of paper, no rules.

Want to read more?

If you’re interested in the research behind some of the ideas in this article, these are good places to start:

• James Pennebaker and expressive writing — Pennebaker’s work helped establish expressive writing as an area of psychological research. 
• Scullin et al. (2018) — Research looking specifically at writing a to-do list before bed and its effect on falling asleep.
• Kristin Neff and self-compassion — An accessible introduction to the research on self-compassion and psychological wellbeing.

For more musings and prompts I recommend ‘The Book of Alchemy’ by Suleika Jaouad

 

If any of this resonates with you or a loved one, Freya is here to help you or your loved one. She has availability and is ready to help you as you try to make sense of ‘your busy mind’. So get in touch to book an initial consultation.