There are times when the shards of light creeping through the blinds aren’t welcome. There are times when the thought of leaving the comfort zone of your bed and facing the tasks of the day are overwhelming. This is a time to be kind to you without letting things spiral out of control in a Wizard of Oz type manner.

Any mental illness can be totally destructive and every person reacts differently. What is important when you hit these lows is to try reach out of the darkness in the best way that suits you.

For me, if I sit in the moment for too long then it can become days. When it becomes days, it’s harder to rectify that consuming feeling of empty over full. That is not to say some people need two days in bed and embrace it head on but personally I allow myself a day to recalibrate and accept the feelings of dread and fear before building the blocks to slowly get out of it. 

It’s not easy; it’s not easy for anyone struggling with the reality of the hardships around them. Self-loathing, self-destruction, anger, fear, anxiety, loneliness and beating yourself up in graphic re-runs in your mind can become a black hole of emotional angst.

 

There are times when I’ve turned my phone off for a week, not engaged in anything of the outside world and cried myself to sleep on a regular basis. That’s an experience many people are feeling now despite a slight glimmer of hope at the end of a horrendous period for humanity. So be kind to yourself, incredibly kind.

 

It can be far too easy to measure ourselves against unrealistic expectations be it personally enforced or those we feel society push our way. It can be far too easy to rebuke self love and instead find flaws in everything we do in those moments. It can also be far too easy to let fear infused despair radiate outwardly in the form of anger and negativity. It can be too easy to spot these traits when the doom has lifted a little and with the benefit of hindsight. What isn’t easy is when you are in that moment, when the waves of loss, emptiness or futility are lapping throughout your very being. Not easy at all but you are not alone.

 

The way I try to grapple with the shadows is just concentrating on the simple things. That isn’t right or wrong but it helps me. A simple moment in the garden whilst watching the colours of nature and wonder of wildlife. A phone call to a friend or playing some music that takes me away from myself and builds up a more positive structure. A cuddle with my dog who has been by my side throughout everything.

Don’t hide away from the world, people, family and friends. If they hide from you realise there are other places to also go. You are never alone and if one thing Lockdown has taught me is the power of the soul. Speak out, reach out because together we are an army but alone we are not.