Written by Beatriz Colomer

 

Leaving home is rarely a simple story.
As a Spanish woman who left my country over a decade ago and has lived in  different countries since, I know firsthand that migration can be both deeply enriching and quietly painful. There can be excitement, freedom and growth, but also we can experience loneliness, grief and a sense of being caught between 2 different worlds. Often, these emotions exist at the same time.

It is not easy to step out of our comfort zone. Leaving loved ones behind, the life we have known for so long, and facing the unknown takes courage. In many ways, we pause our life back home in order to create a new one — with new people, new places, and new experiences

From an integrative counselling perspective, this emotional “spin” is not something that needs fixing. It is something that deserves understanding.

When opposite emotions coexist

Many people who move abroad tell themselves they should feel grateful or happy, especially if the move was their choice. When sadness, homesickness or doubt appear, this feeling can turn into confusion, guilt and even shame.

 

“Am I ever going to feel at peace for my decision to leave “ ?  

 

This is one of the common questions wandering our migrateful minds, a bittersweet feeling that it seems a difficult one to digest.

Integrative counselling offers space for emotional complexity, without judgement or pressure to prioritise one feeling over another. There is no expectation to be strong, positive or certain. All parts of the experience are welcome.

The hidden grief of leaving

Not all grief is visible.
Leaving home can mean missing everyday moments , watching loved ones grow older, not being present for milestones, or carrying the weight of absence during illness or loss. This kind of grief is often unspoken, especially when others see the move as an opportunity or success.

From an attachment and psychodynamic lens, what we leave behind does not disappear. Relationships, places and identities continue to live within us. Therapy can help gently bring this hidden grief into awareness, allowing it to be acknowledged rather than carried alone. Grieving what was lost does not mean regretting the choice to leave, both truths can coexist.

Identity and belonging when you live in between

Living in another country can also raise deeper questions: Where do I belong now? Who am I becoming? How odd is the feeling of leaving home to go home, when your heart is split in two different places, with two different lives and even two different families, the one you were born with, and the one you have chosen.

Some people describe feeling like they don’t fully belong anywhere , not entirely “here”, but no longer fully “there” either.

An integrative approach allows space to explore identity without forcing answers. Drawing on existential ideas, therapy can support clients to reflect on meaning, choice and values, while respecting cultural and personal complexity. The aim is not to resolve identity, but to understand it more compassionately.

A space to feel less alone

The emotional impact of leaving home does not always fade with time. However, therapy can help create space around these experiences, making them easier to hold and understand. Feeling seen and heard can reduce isolation and inner conflict.

If parts of this resonate with you, counselling may offer a supportive place to explore your experience at your own pace, with curiosity, care and respect for everything you carry.

If any of this resonates with you or a loved one, Beatriz is here to help. She has availability and is ready to help you as you try to make sense of ‘living between worlds’. So get in touch to book an initial consultation.