Written by Cait McClarin

Many of us have inner voices which chide and criticise, known as our inner critic. This can be highly distressing and seriously negatively affect our self-esteem. In counselling and therapy we may begin to gain an understanding of where these beliefs and inner voices we carry with us have arisen from.

Imagine a scenario of a child who, even though they have done their best,  is given a D grade in an exam. Perhaps the child’s parents are disappointed, perhaps they comment, “you are a failure, you are not trying hard enough.” As the child ages and becomes an adult a similar inner critic voice might appear anytime they do not excel, “I am lazy, I am a failure.”

In counselling and therapy we might consider this inner voice an introject. An introject is a belief or value originally belonging to another which we have adopted and absorbed as part of our own way of seeing the world. This process tends to be unconscious, the child in the above example does not sit and think, “I want to speak as my parents do” but they internalise beliefs about themselves and the world automatically. 

To use another example, we may think of a child who is being bullied in school. Perhaps the child develops the idea that they are “worthless or stupid” and this view of themself follows into adulthood as they internally adopt the bully’s voice as their own. Perhaps they might begin to behave like the bully, acting in similar ways to try to protect themselves from the abuse. As this person grows they may find themselves behaving cruelly toward others or feeling angry though they don’t really know why.

Introjection isn’t a conscious process and isn’t something we chose to do. Most of the time we don’t even realise we have picked up traits or beliefs from those around us. Perhaps negative self-assessment just feels natural to you, for some it feels as if it has always been there. In examining where perceptions of ourselves and the world have come from however we might be able to disown a value which might be hindering us and which was maybe never even ours to begin with. 

It’s important to note that introjection doesn’t necessarily need to be negative. There can be helpful and positive beliefs we gain from parents, care-givers, teachers and peers as we develop. Perhaps a child is raised with the idea that, “It is good to treat everyone as you would wish to be treated”, as they see this demonstrated by family they internalise this value very deeply and, as an adult, act with this in mind. All of us will in some way have positive and negative ideas we have adopted.

However part of the work of therapy is being able to unpick the negative introjections and work out where these beliefs have come from. Perhaps a child grew up surrounded by those who believed they needed to be slimmer, bigger, stronger, or smarter. Now perhaps as an adult when they look in the mirror they hear an inner critic of their own who parrots this same message. Introjects might feel as if they come entirely from us, but together in therapy we can begin to work through the origins of some of these beliefs about the self.

In talking with a counsellor about our inner life we may find that we are carrying a weight which was never originally ours to carry. Through exploration we might begin to let go of some inner criticism, which can lead to self-doubt and even self-loathing. As we discover more of ourselves without negative introjection we can set stronger personal boundaries and find out what it is we want from life more authentically. We can begin to question where the rules we follow have come from, especially when these rules don’t serve us and cause stress and anxiety. 

If you would like to seek counselling in Bristol or counselling for anxiety and negative inner critic self-talk, our team can help. At Bristol Counselling and Psychotherapy, we have a team of experienced counsellors who are ready to offer support for a wide range of mental health issues, welcoming individuals into safe and non-judgemental spaces within which to begin their journey to recovery. If you would like to book a session with Cait, get in touch.

For more information or to book an initial consultation, please email hello@bristolcounsellingandpsychotherapy.co.uk. Alternatively, to speak to us directly, please contact 07751 271 709.